"EVERY NOTE CAN BE FELT TRHOUGH YOUR SOUL"

When was the last time I wrote something?

I was "hired" to make a weapon framework for a roblox game. It's a bit difficult, very hard actually, but I managed to do something nice.
What else... I'm on holidays! And life just keeps getting harder and harder...

I keep forgetting to write to you, but, I'll try to be more active here.

I don't even want to write what happened, all you need to know is that I don't feel happy.

One of my classmate fainted in class today.
It wasn't "funny" but I did laugh a bit, does that make me a bad person? I wasn't the only one cracking up though.
I did feel bad for her, she struggles with extreme anxiety and stress, but I'm kinda grateful she fainted, because we missed a class.

By the way, I'm going to the United Kingdom next Monday. I'm really excited, I promise I'll have a lot of fun!

Today, it's my sister's birthday.

I wish her a happy birthday.

I've been very nostalgic recently, a new wave of sadness I never thought I could feel..
Only a few months left before I graduate, well that's if I pass my final exams, I hope I do.
I was about 5 years old when I told my mom I couldn't wait to be an adult, now all I wish is to go back to that moment to take back my words...

All I ever want to remember is the feel of the sun on my skin, the tingles of the grass below me, the fresh air running through my nostrils, and the voices of my two sisters, in our garden, the three of us.

It's been a while since I've last updated this blog.. I just don't really have the time for silly hobbies anymore, besides, making my game is taking almost all of my (already small) free time.
I wanna fix the photo album featue of this website, I know how I'll do it, I just can't do it, yet.

One day I'll be free to do whatever I want, whenever I want, I promise.

I might need to become a supporter if I want to keep updating this website..
I recently added the possibility to view photos that I have taken, however, I did not expect them to take up that much space...
Well I might slow down the uploading of photography for now, until I become financially stable enough to give 5 dollars in exchange for the chains of hardware limitations to be broken!

Sorry, I haven't been writing any updates about my shitty life for about a week now.
School's been tiring me out, I slept during history class yesterday, which is something I almost never do.
I wish I could run away far from here, but my subconscious doesn't allow me to. I wish I could fly away, or swim away, I want to be away.
I think I'm gonna be fine.
Well I hope so.

Finally the weekend, I'm not updating this blog every single day because most of my days are boring.
However something happened today. At around 10AM I was supposed to go to a 2 hour long english class, but the teacher never came so I "skipped".
Some time later, I was informed that almost all teachers had a meeting because a first-year student threatened to kill an history teacher.
I was shocked, like I knew this history teacher was mean to her students, but threatening to kill her? Crazy stuff, for real.

Today was very random, everyone was acting crazy and it made me laugh.
I don't know why I was sad yesterday, life's fun.
I don't have alot to stay about today, it was a short day and I didn't really do anything significant.

Might just be the worst day ever, I've never felt this sad before..
I was very late this morning (great..), then it started raining like it was the last day it would ever rain, so I was DRENCHED in water.
Then I realised I forgot the keys to my room, so I had to call my mom, who was about a kilometer away from me, walk to where she was, grab her keys and come back home.
And after allllllllllllllllll of this shit, my mom and my dad scolded me because I took an hour long shower.
_{(I understand why they were mad but still it makes me feel like absolute dogshit)}
So today I felt like my whole life was useless, that I would never get a future, that no one ever loved me and that putting a knife inside of my throat would be the only way to escape this hell of a life.
Will I ever find true peace?

I FUCKING HATE THIS UNIVERSE SO MUCH AND I CAN'T WAIT TO BE FAR FAR AWAY FROM IT.
Everyday I question my reasons to continue living, nothing good ever happens, nothing bad every happends, nothing ever fucking happens.
The only thing retaining me from suicide is my curiosity for what the depth of my soul (my "higher self") intends to experience.
Besides, I swore that no matter how hard life gets I would never let myself end it, because I chose to be aware of this reality for a reason and I intend to understand why before I move on to the next one.
Or maybe I just hate school and capitalism and society and the modern world.. _{(maybe we should go back to living inside caves?)}

Well sadly, school starts tomorow.
I haven't done any of my homework because well, I don't want to. So here I am, getting ready for 3 months of pure hell and mental abuse.
The system is very well thought out though, always making sure our brains are getting brainwashed every single seconds of our life: even the philosophy class is boring! Why? So we do not question the current state of society.
I wish societies didn't exist.. Alot of us would be dead if they didn't exist, but, do we really need 8 billion humans simultaneously living?
Whoever created capitalism is a genius: they made it impossible for us to create REAL communal change, because capitalism preaches on individuality.. So very sad!

First entry on this blog, there isn't much to say really, I've been working on this website for the past week, aswell as a roblox game that I'm making.
My holidays end soon, I really don't want to go back to school, it feels like a prison for me. When school is open, I have no motivation to do anything, it genuiely feels like my energy is being sucked out of my body.
I've also been trying shifting for a month now, I swear my awareness of the universe and it's cousins is becoming bigger each day.
Well I think that's all I wanted to say today, I'll update this blog when I feel like it, and I already know how I'm gonna archive it, so everything should be OK!